Phil's words of wisdom

8:23AM - Best description of a love life ever

Stolen from QC: My love life is like a Rush song - complicated and wanky.

6:31PM - Support Networks - I has them

Well I have been blown away; so many people have been so good to me I don't really know how to say thank you to them enough. So here's my attempt for you guys on here; you are awesome, and I love you for the nice things you have said to me (for other things too, but this is the latest thing and is making me feel really warm and glowy inside.)

It has amazed me how people have rallied 'round. I have come to realise, pretty quickly, that my relationship with Heather was very toxic to a lot of close friendships. It happens though. As George put it so eloquently a few weeks back; you have a nice new toy when you're in a relationship, and you just want to have a play with it on your own for a bit. My bit lasted quite a while and unfortunately shut out quite a few good friends - which I am very sorry about.

However all that has seemingly been put behind those of my friends who have found out; George took me out this weekend twice to get me out of the flat and out of my head for a bit (thoughts wise, and alcohol consumption wise at the same time), Little Em has been on the other end of the phone whenever I've needed to talk and hasn't complained about me pretty much inviting myself down to visit her this weekend. They are but two examples.

Work! My god I love my work if only for the people there! They have been so supportive, and although one or two of the comments have not exactly been helpful (example 1 from the warehouse manager earlier today: "So, you joined match.com yet?") they have all meant very well, and have been just what I needed to help me get back to normal.

Then my mum. For those of you who know her, you won't be surprised. She has been there for me with so many things before, and has yet again proved just exactly how awesome she can be. Her response to the news was not to judge, or tell me that she had guessed it was coming (although I think she sort of had - without knowing the details). No. Her reaction was; "I can come over if you need me to - you sound like you need a hug!" followed by, "I'll tell you what, I'll put a large amount of money into your bank account so that you won't have money worries on top of everything else." and then finished with "We'll go out this weekend before you head down to see Em and you can pick whatever you want to do (after getting new glasses) and I'll pay for it." It may seem like she's just trying to throw money at the problem - but in this case the money really is a big big help. It means I haven't worried about going out, it means I haven't worried about paying rent this month.

I can't understand what I have done to deserve this kind of support.

From any of you.

Again - my thanks. And my love.

4:35PM - Details

So - I thought a good cathartic posting may help for what I have been going through recently. However I realise that my posting may not be something that everyone will necessarily care about on their radar; we all have our own problems at the moment it seems, therefore:
( Read more... )

Oh, and yes, my choices of music have definitely recently been based around my current feelings. On Saturday I sat down and made up a very heartfelt playlist of tragic depressing songs. Yay emo phil...

1:18PM - So it's over

I am single again. I'll probably end up doing a big angsty piece about it soon (so be warned) but right now I am too busy moving her stuff out of my bedroom.

8:35PM - Long time...

Well it has been a long time since I posted here. It's a bit of a trend that I only think of LJ when I'm feeling a bit down, and to be honest the past year and a bit have been anything but down. So what am I doing here? I may expand upon that later - depends on what occurs in the next few weeks. Anyway - enjoy Maelstrom, those who are attending. I myself will not be doing so as I wish to spend some quality time with the LCL.

5:36PM - The letter I didn't send

6A, Augusta Place,

Royal Leamington Spa,

Warwickshire,

CV32 5EL

14^th June 2010

Dear Sir or Madam,

 

I have recently received a letter from you of quite a threatening nature about a television licence. May I state, for the record, one and for all that we here – the inhabitants of the above address, DO NOT HAVE A TELEVISION OR ANY DEVICE USED FOR THE WATCHING OF LIVE BROADCASTS. Although, saying that, I seriously doubt that this statement for the record will mean anything – as we have already been in touch with your people to tell you that we do not have a television, nor had any inclination of buying one at the time.

This last point quite disturbs me in relation to your letter as within such you state;

 

“Although we have written to you several times, we haven’t heard back from you.”

 

You have. You really, really have. Yet it seems you do not have an adequate record system to show you that in fact we have been in touch with you. I do not enjoy scurrilous false accusations being laid at my door, thank you so very much.

Perhaps if I were to act in turn and start making similar accusations of illegality about your organisation you would make some form of action suit against me – liable or slander depending on the form in which I made such accusations. Yet YOU as an organisation are free from all such charges. Not due to any moral high ground or superiority of purpose, just because you are. Oh what a wonderful thing justice is in these cases.

Yay democratic right defenestration.

If, at any point in the future, I do feel like purchasing a television I will indeed buy a licence as I do not wish to break the law. However this will be dependent on many things; my income, my leisure time allowance, and also the actual presence of something available on television worth watching. From all of my friends’ reports this last seems to be the least likely of all the factors to actually prompt me into televisual purchasing.

I would like to point out the unfairness of this organisation of yours in many cases: the BBC, on the whole, really disappoints. QI, very occasionally Have I Got News For You and even more occasionally General Election coverage seem to be the only things I would ever be inclined to watch; yet you charge for them. The best programming that seems available seems to come from overseas, and then ends up on channels that do not even benefit from the TV licence tax (and yes, I shall call it a tax, because in all reality that is what it has become.)

I shall, in all probability never actually get around to sending this to you, as you are one of those bullying organisations where if anything it could come back to bite me – hard. We are even now arranging for an inspection to come visit our property to come and have a look. We shall open our doors to you! And yet within about a month I expect to have another letter of a similarly threatening tone arrive in my letterbox.

Thank you Fascists. Thank you.
Lots of love,
Phil.
 

8:09PM - Quandary

I have, for years now, been trying to make a fairly epic LARP character that is noble, just and good. Even Darudius - my cannibal lord character - was ultimately good. Now I am playing an at least morally dubious, if not occasionally out and out evil character and he is the ONE character that has managed to gain epic status! HOW!?! Not that I am complaining about the current state of affairs - Arcturus is hilariously fun to play - but still!!!!

9:43PM - How...?

How can a huge international bank, t/hat millions trust, and who have a reputation for excellence, be so FUCKING stupid? Because they are. I won't name names, but they really really are. Working in Financing recently I have realised this. They are great as an actual bank - useful and helpful - but the services that they offer as peripherals to this are badly set up and hardly supported. Fighting the ineptitude of this has been a full time task in the past two days (not including today - as I purposefully avoided it and instead did some interesting marketing work) and extremely ehxausting both mentally and physically. Luckily coming home to a lovely lady friend, or going to a fairly awesome gig, have helped. But at the same time; I feel drained. Totally.

Still this is what it is like to live in the real world. I need to be able to sustain this and earn. Maybe I can leave after a few more months savings, but I need the money right now. Actually having a positive bank balance that I am maintaining myself is a huge boost to my self esteem, as is having someone actually declare that they are attracted to me. So although I am exhausted; I am at the same time jubilant.

All of my posts recently seem to have had the same sense: I am happy. I think that, as the majority of LJ is not used for this purpose, I am an odd one out and thus is the reason for my not having had any comments recently. But can I please reiterate; I really would like some ideas about my latest fiction project.

7:42PM - An idea

Ok - I am, after rereading Anansi Boys, planning another new book. This time I am thinking beyond normal 4D characters but am going to write the experiences of a 5D character. He moves through the original 4 Dimensions that we do, but can see the choices that people make, and can slip into whatever choice stream he wishes. Means basically that he becomes a God amongst men as he can choose to have everyone act as he wishes. Yet it is a very shallow existence as he need never confront any problems that the 4Ders he sees have to deal with in their myriad lives that surround him. Can he then consciously choose to experience pain and angst?

Can he become more of the human to whose body he was born into?

Any ideas about this would be gratefully appreciated.

9:58AM - Writer's Block: Sunday in the park with ____?

Wow. That is actually a really difficult question. I... I am not truly sure. I am stuck between Gurney Halleck; because just awesome, Sam Vimes; because equally awesome, and then Elmindreda (Min) Farshaw; because hot, awesome, and also it would be interesting to find out what patterns I would have around me - if any.

I can't choose though. I mean getting drunk, having a whale of a time, listening to/playing music with Gurney would be a really fun time. Just having the chance to chat with Sam Vimes and getting to hear his opinions on things outsdie of the Discworld would be really interesting, and also discussing past actions from stories. And then philosophical debate with Min on a wide range of topics, backed up by discussion of her ability and any patterns that I had would be really amusing (and I'd also get some nice eye candy whilst doing so - I love that Heather believes in oggling hot girls whilst in a relationship.)

I suppose I should have an update as well then; life continues good. Heather and I are now official official - it says it on Facebook dammit. Work is hard, long and tiring, but also fun, challenging and rewarding - especially financially. Yet there is a dark cloud onnthe horizon - flat hunting shall have to commence next month. As awesome as it has been living slap bang in the middle of a town that I love, and having all amenities at arms reach, I can not stand another fucking year with this god awful landlord of mine. I need laundry facilities! I need working lights! I need to have access to the perks of an area that are supposed to come to me, and not just have them given to him because he's the landlord! Ah well - that will be fun.

12:05AM - Pleased.

So is Livejournal like a magic wish box now? Really? If so then I need to think of some excellent wishes to ask for.

3:24PM - More fire challenge

Too many characters - too little time;

( Arcturus/Scarred Lands )

3:14PM - I just can't wait for the weekend!

Indeed I can't for this should be yet another great one.

Last weekend was a descent to London to see such notables as Tash, Ilana and Emily - oh and also mustn't forget Alex as he is fairly awesome-cool too, though he was not a reason for travellage as the others were. Comedy night was had, alcomohol was had, fun bantering chat was had. Awesomeness occurred in being able to catch up with people. But boy was it expensive. Therefore this week I have been seriously curtailing my expenditure and have managed quite well; £2.10 for an entire week - very pleased.

This coming weekend will also be pretty awesome due to the presence of monsieur Pichon coming to Coventry to visit people - if any other than myself manage to make it anyway - which will make a good Saturday evening/night - a lady I met at a comedy gig where she performed not too long ago is going out with me for lunch that day too. And also my pay should have come through from Ab. Therefore it will be good.

Just one more day of work to get through - and its my shortest of the week, which should be easier. Hopefully.

4:29PM - Week 2

Well I have survived a week of work, and am gearing up through my second. The work is still fun, generally, and I do like the people I am working with but today - after a terrible nights sleep - I found myself struggling a little to quite comprehend everything. Oh well. I blame Louise. For those who didn't know - she's staying over this week. She's sharing my bed, and I am being a perfect gentleman. Which sucks. Last night she half rolls on top of me asleep, and I find myself in a very compromising position - yet do I take advantage? Nope. Perfect. Gentleman.

Dammit.

Part of the reason for the struggle with my libido I feel is probably due to the time of year; it's nearly a year since my last relationship went tits up, and since I have had no gratifying encounters with members of the fairer sex that could lead to anything near a relationship. Have to admit this is making me pretty angsty right at the mo. "Maybe I should go out and just get laid" I think sometimes, but I really doubt that that will be the cure for my ills. I want partnership again - and something longer term than a month, Good freaking god - I'm 23 and have never had a relationship last longer than a month! What is wrong with me?!? *Takes deep breath* Probably a mixture of things;

1) Inability to tell when a girl is flirting with me. Have had several annoying instances when, looking back at a night out, I have realised attractive girls have been flirting with me. I then start kicking myself. Hard.

2) Friend Zone Comfort. I always makes friends with the girls I wish to be chatting up. This then of course leads to the dreaded Friend Zone, and all that goes with that. Which I don't mind. It just gets bloody annoying when I realise that a girl I really like slips into that category again.

3) Cowardice. Meh. What can i do? When it comes to making a first move I'm a coward. Nuff said.

So - I wouldn't normally bitch about this. I don't genuinely think that love/sex etc. are quite as important as the majority of the rest of the world seem to think they are. Yes, they're nice. Yes, I really would like to be in a situation fo that to occur again. But no - I don't physically crave a relationship as I know some people do. I've been single for the majority of my adult life and it has been no great strain. I think the main reason I am worrying about it now is that everything else seems to have sorted itself into an amiable balance; I have a place to live, with a great flatmate. I am starting to lose weight, and really appreciating the effect this is having on me. I even have employment - regardless of the problems with said job that I have voiced before. So what is left? Amusements - there are plentiful (Jongleurs this weekend - can't wait!). Friends - tons too (especially since I managed to get Colin to come along to LARPs and thus get to hang out with him a bit more - will be useful during the abandonment period of the Easter Hols.) Therefore the last ingredient to a life - a partner.

Does it sound really concieted to say I feel my life is going fairly well at the moment? Well even if it does - I don't care. Now I think about it - even with angsty idiocy going on inside brain - I'm pretty happy. Cool.

Hope everyone else is well.
Toodles.

3:15PM - Silly procrastination project #384 completed

I was introduced to the webcomic Questionable Content by theviciouspixie a while back, and since my first read through I have thought it would be awesome to have a playlist of all the bands/songs mentioned. Therefore I have done this in my free time over the past month. And now it is finally finished - or as finished as it can be with the story still going anyway. I haven't used EVERY reference within the comic - only those spoken. So I haven't, for instance, used the band names on T shirts, or the logos of bands in posters on walls. I have however used song lyrics that are sung by the characters. It did point out to me though that QC has dropped its musical references heavily in the most recent comics - i want them back!

Anyway - so that I do not clog up too much freinds' page space i have hidden it ( beneath a cut )

1:05AM - that. Was. AWESOME.

Ok - Zeitgeist tonight was made of win and ponies.

The first event was a great chance to geek out with sciencey things - but unfortunately my character is made to make stuff and I have more projects to follow up on than there will ever be available downtime in the next year or two. Damn I need to make and IC journal for him. Today I developed the steampunk ideas of Caterpillar Tracks, A computer, Robotics (though with  name like Assimov everybody should have seen that coming), jet propulsion and muck spreaders.

Second part of the event was the bringing out of my new Secondary (and also being told that I inadvertantly named him after a Porn producer. I think this is fine as i honestly had no idea before hand.) Larry is pure win. I can't believe I managed to pull off a fairly decent Irish accent all night, and remain in character so damned well. An Atheist Bishop with the power to grant himself and all around him Pardons and Indulgences whenever the mood takes him. Damn that was fun.

Thanks to Casp, Dan, Laur, and Claire for the absolute awesome day and night. It finishes a week in which i have Roleplayed 4 out of 7 days, and I have to say mixed with the getting employment thing that this has been one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. Wheeeeee!

4:38PM - T post 1 and a bit.

I got it. Hells yes!

11:20AM - We are T minus 5 hours.

Actually a little less than that, and then i will know (hopefully) whether I have a job or not. Gpt myself a new suit, got myself a shiny bus pass, got myself a good haircut and shave. Think that's as much as I can do. Maybe get slightly half-cut beforehand to make myself more loquacious and easy-going? No - bad Phil. Bad! That's what this evening after Rendlesham is for. Or maybe during. Not sure.

So yeah - i may eventually by the end of the day be working for a greetings card and souvenir distribution company working out of Kenilworth. Which would be awesome. I am really quite excited. Also got an email from next saying that my application for their position of trainee Merchandiser has gotten through to the third level fo winnowing - the Phone interview stage. So I may at some point have 2 job offers, If I do that would be megaawesomebeyondbelief. I'd start a bidding war between the employers, but I don't think they'd really want me THAT much.

Oh and the theatre also wants me back to help cover some time during their Rocky Horror Show performances, which i've agreed to, so will be dealing with boozed up, overexcited, sweet transexuals all night long. As an audience member it would be awesome, I get the feeling as an Usher it will be Hell On Earth.

EDIT: Was postponed until tomorrow as the M.D. got stranded in Brum by the snow.

6:03PM - F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y

And if anyone can tell me where that is a quote from they win a toffee.

So news... well I have a job interview on Friday, which is awesome. Its for a firm in Kenilworth and is a proper job! Proper money, proper work, proper good times - hopefully. The phonecalls I got from the boss and the email eh sent me seem to be very encouraging (to the point that he has basically said I am working on the project - whatever it may be - before I've even had the interview.) Yet i must be cautious and not get ahead of myself. The amount of disappointments I have had since I started in the job market have left me scarred and bitter. (Note to self; must hide that come interview). I should prep incase this is just another one.

I'm in Leam nearly 24/7 now, which is awesome. Just occassional family related things that intrude, otherwise I am fully independent now. Win! Just need to buy myself a desk now.

On a related note I went into an antiques dealer in town today and pulled off a very convincing posh person impersonation. Was very amusing. I looked through their stock and have to say they had some lovely things. I think the only thing there I could ever have afforded though was a small wooden candlestick that had a picture of Jesus carrying a wonky cross on it. And that would have cleared me out. Pity. Still managed to convince the proprietors that I deserved to be there and to let me have the chance to have a look around without constant supervision by suspicious retailers.

Anything else? Rugby is good. 6 nations ftw. Anyone wants to pop over and watch matches at the pad they're more than welcome I'm sure. George does his techy-jiggery-[okery and ta da we get rugger. Also will have a house warming at some point in the future. Not sure when. I know it should have been for when I moved in - but seriously even I didn't have time for a party then. Will keep notified.

11:24AM - Ramble. Rambleramble

I am listening to a mix of Bloc Party, The Caesars, The Fall, Dogs Die in Hot Cars, and Stars. How Indie do I feel right now?

Anyway. i said I was going to do the anti-procrastination process of listing all current webcomis to show myself exactly how lax I probably am at doing my actual writing instead of reading other people's doodlings. So here goes.
( Stored under cut to save space - warning NSFW section )
Ok - that's done and I realise yes, I have a FT of comics here. Procrastination is my struggle.